For Janinja. My GPOYMACMFFW

Further adding to the mystery that is my single status!

Me without makeup? Surely not… I look so… um… well… hey… uh, hey cut me some slack, it’s hot as balls in here, and look at the bright side, at least there’s enough oil on my nose to fry up 6 or 7 medium orders of fries at McDonalds.

So yeah…fellas? :P hahaha

I posted my tumblr crushes earlier today (it was the first time I could see them). And I just wanted to share why you should be following these amazing people.

I follow a lot of amazing people. In fact if I follow you, you ARE one of my tumblr crushes no matter what that square says, but I figured since I finally found my “literal” tumblr crushes I’d celebrate by sharing their awesomeness with you.

Warning: I use the word awesome a lot in the following post. :P

www.pigtailsandcombatboots.tumblr.com -Spends a good deal of her time mining the nets for amazing photos to share. I’m a huge fan of the steam punk/goth goodness she finds… and the new artists! If you want more exposure so some awesome artists then she’s should be on your dash.

www.strangeninja.tumblr.com -Awesomeness. She is the inventor of the laying down game, and she is pure awesome. If you don’t already follow her it’s probably because you’re allergic to awesome… or you’re, like a douche or something. And when she gets her hands on some questions from her askhole, she.is.hilarious.  She’s fearless, she’s herself and she’d probably win my “biggest hero” contest in tumblr.  She’s good people, follow or miss out… and get attacked by my hoard of stuffed monkeys. No seriously, they’re animals, why risk it?  :P

www.debshock.tumblr.com- My love of all things monkeys is only challenged by her own fondness for the sock monkeys. Along with some pretty awesome gifs and photos she will rock your world with some heart breaking stories of recovery.  She’s one of my many tumblr heroes. :P

www.ianbrooks.tumblr.com- Mr. Ian Brooks. If you have a question about comic books, this is the man to ask. If you have a question that needs an answer that’s not only intelligent but will make you laugh, then you need to follow him now. For the record, I tend to think of him and Strangeninja as long lost siblings. Their awesome is undeniable.  OH, and he’s bearded… what more proof do you need to follow him? :P

www.thejohnblog.tumblr.com - Brilliant. Simply brilliant. There is few twitter posts by this man that has failed to make me literally laugh out loud. He’s just as funny in tumblr. Don’t miss out.

www.sarkastickunt.tumblr.com – Another one of my heroes.  She takes no prisoners,  and she calls ‘em like she sees ‘em.  But her own brutal honesty about what life is like as a mommy to a beautiful brood of youngsters that keeps me coming back for more. Oh, that and her hilarious commentary on all things vagina. (PS My vagina thanks you for your informative and hilarious posts).  

www.fuckyeah-les.tumblr.com – A crack head after my own heart.  And some of his darker moments tend to resonate with me. He’s honest when he’s having a rough time, and it’s nice to have someone you can relate to. 

www.moegreeb.tumblr.com – Ok, first of all, he’s really, really good looking.  Don’t believe me? The people of tumblr took a poll, and it was confirmed, he’s really, really good looking. If following one of the long lost Wilson brothers isn’t enough to garner him a place in your dash, his hilarious mid-day picture posts about being at work should do the trick.  He’s also the founder of the “Cave In the Woods” story (www.caveinthewoods.tumblr.com) if you want to check it out. Oh, and his posts here and there that hint at possible hidden life of dorkery and even rarer a hinting of loneliness (which I can relate to like a motherfucker) make this musician even more endearing. Follow or I’ll bite you… no really, I love to bite. :P

www.misscook.tumblr.com -  Miss Cook. :) I adore her. She’s a self-deprecating genius with a great flair for the erotic.  After I read her short story about the lovely forbidden fruit, I spent more than a few hours daydreaming about getting a temp job… at a location that was being remodeled of course. :P If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you need to follow her and read her short story “A Bite of the Apple”.  Even when she’s not making my naughty bits tingle with her clever words, she’s making me laugh out loud with her hilarious comments on a life, work and love.  Follow her or I’ll spank you (I think she would appreciate me using this kind of reinforcement. :P :))

Long story short, follow. :P

Really, I didn’t realize that I was on the “missing” list.

I didn’t think anyone would notice if I kind of spazed out in my own little world.

I have a rough time around my birthday (long story short, I’m a dumbass who needs to grow up and get a stronger skin).

I’m sorry, I’m fine. I’ve just been kind of hiding in bed for a week. The work thing on top of the funk that comes with my birthday was a little much this year.

I’m fine. Not missing. Not kidnapped. I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone would realize I was mia for a few days. I just got ims from Cara and Janessa informing me of my missing status.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude or worry anyone. Just a silly girl being lame. :)

Um, just for future reference I also get weird just before christmas (so If i go missing then, I’m just hiding in my bed… I’ll come out when it’s safe). :)

Did… uhm… did you, I mean, did you just slap me?

Oh, this is extremely awkward.

No, not that you slapped me… it’s awkward how much I liked it…

…

YOU BETTER CALL ME IN THE MORNING WOMAN…

…

…

…

Errr, I mean, here we are, just you and I.

So, you wanna know where you’ll be in the bed?

Um, after that slap I can only imagine you’ll be on top.

Oh, you mean which side.

Hmmm… I stand by my previous statement regardless of whatever you intended to imply. :P

Another reply to a reply…well actually a reply to replies from two different posts.

Oh you know what I mean. :P

First things first.

Have you seen my vodka?

Hey, this is my method, man, don’t judge, don’t hate. :P

Ah, ok, there it is… EMPTY???

Pardon me while I feel the world fall apart around my shoulders…

*disappears for 3 hours and 37 minutes, at which point you hear “STELLA” and then nothing for another hour and 14 minutes*

Ok, so I’m back, no big deal, just a minor setback. :P

Where was I?

Yes, we’re IFFL. Yes…um… we are?

Ok, I’m not going to lie. While I’ve been a yahoo chatter for years and years, I’m not too familiar with some of the online lingo. What’s it mean? And so you know if it means something bad, lie and say it means something nice. And if it means somethign nice, lie and say it means something naughty. :P ;)

Moving on, sure we are ;)…

Um, dude, you wanna watch Chappelle with me… name the time, the place, and I’ll be there with my dickhole panties as soon as my ass can find travel money (ie booze money for when I hitchhike to ‘yo’ place).

Yeah, long story short, you can call me Rosie, bitches… or not, entirely up to you…what? Just cause I’m gangsta don’t mean I can’t be civil.  Ok, so I’m about as gangsta as a sock monkey… with dickholes.

Say what? :P

Why can’t you reply to a reply? :(

Anyway, here’s my reply to a reply… ha ha tumblr, I’ve circumnavigated (ha, sorry, I just love any word that legitimately has the word cum in it :P, no you’re immature) your tricky terrain. 

Now I just have to find your stores of porn and you will BE MINE! Oh, you go around showing off your stores of porn freely? Well there goes that plan.

Anyhoo, my replies…

To Timbalanced:

Um, Twitter is very much the “do as I say, not as I do” kind of social networking site.

She limits us to 140 characters a post, but she does nothing to check her own rampant ramblings…not that *I* would know anything about rambling.

Oh, that reminds me about this one time when I was 14 and playing basketball with this guy I had a crush on named HootchieMinh, anyway, he was an Oompa Loompa and he had relocated to Virginia for a scholarship (the HomeEc variety)… wait, did I just ramble again?

Sorry, where was I?

Ah, yes, Twitter’s a ho. :P

AND I’ve already mentioned my dependency on the sideways smiley face that’s sticking out it’s tongue. I’m on step 38 or 39 now of  12 step program, so I hope to be cured in time for the zombie apocalypse.  :P…What, I just did it again, didn’t I?

So what, I don’t see no stinking zombies…

Wait you see a stinking zombie?

Where?

Oh, no, that’s just me, I’m drunk… I can see where you’d be confused. :P

To strangeninja:

Your advice is excellent! Excellent.

Your plan is already in action.

I went to buy porn today with Twitter’s credit card.

Let’s just say what I purchased would make 2 girls, 1 cup look like a Disney flick.

It’s so beyond revolting and overly sexualized that I think it’ll end up preventing me from getting hired in the future. I don’t know how, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it does.

I mean, filthy, nasty, gross, can’t stand to watch a second of it kind of porn.

So long story short, if you need me, I’ll be in my room…watching some porn I got today a nature documentary. :P