There are Ugly Betty reruns on the TV Guide Channel.

These reruns have Henry in them.

I adore Henry.

I want to do all kinds of deviant things with him.

My sister is aware of this.

Conversation with sister about Henry (please note she’s as crass and sarcastic as me).

Sister: Congrats on the Job, any plans to celebrate?

Me: I’m watching Ugly Betty. So I’ll probably end up touching myself, and that’s party enough for me. 

Sister: It must be an episode “wit’ yo man” then?

Me: Henry? Oh yeah. I would do things that would take him to his knees… of course I’d have to be on my knees to do it.

Sister: *HA* Hootchie. 

Me: Not that he’d ever, you know, actually want me.

Sister: Just offer him your beaver, men can’t resist beaver.

Me: I can’t imagine there’s anyone who can’t resist someone whose nickname for her vagina is based on an a buck-toothed rodent.

Her: Alright, then offer him your taco. Yeah, I’ve never had a man resist my sloppy pink taco.

Me: You mean the word “sloppy” is a selling point for men when it comes to your cooter?  Hmm, on second thought I think I don’t know if I really want back in the dating scene.