Today (Monday) stung a little.

Ok, a lot.

Why do my feelings get hurt so easily?

I know everyone’s busy….I do.  I just wish I could figure out how to get the message to the fucked up little emotions that overwhelm me.

I can’t stop crying… I feel like such an asshole right now. Not because of what happened, but because I can’t stop crying.  I feel so stupid. And I feel stupid for feeling stupid. And I keep getting overwhelmed with it.

I know people are busy, and it’s not even the actual day.  Just a “make-up” deal, kind of declared by a very sweet young lady.  (PS thank you, if you’re reading this, it really did make my day Friday, thank you ).  I didn’t expect much. Maybe a message in my inbox. Maybe a silly pic with a monkey or something with well wishes.  But the longer the day went on, the clearer it became that I had hoped for too much, the harder it became to get a break from the bad thoughts.

I’m sorry I’m so stupid. I’m sorry I don’t know how to be an adult. I tried to shrug it off.  I did. But I keep getting overwhelmed with this feeling of loneliness.  I can’t control it.  I want to.  What’s wrong with me? Normal people don’t get this way.

Silly girl.

Stupid girl.

I should have hid in bed a little longer, huh?

Really, I didn’t realize that I was on the “missing” list.

I didn’t think anyone would notice if I kind of spazed out in my own little world.

I have a rough time around my birthday (long story short, I’m a dumbass who needs to grow up and get a stronger skin).

I’m sorry, I’m fine. I’ve just been kind of hiding in bed for a week. The work thing on top of the funk that comes with my birthday was a little much this year.

I’m fine. Not missing. Not kidnapped. I’m sorry, I didn’t think anyone would realize I was mia for a few days. I just got ims from Cara and Janessa informing me of my missing status.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude or worry anyone. Just a silly girl being lame. :)

Um, just for future reference I also get weird just before christmas (so If i go missing then, I’m just hiding in my bed… I’ll come out when it’s safe). :)